Bitcoin Billionaire

     I sat on the roof of the Maitland with my legs hanging off the side, dangling my shoes over the few cars making their way early on this Saturday morning. It was 6:50AM, I asked Siri when sunrise was, after a few mutations of its "thinking" animation it replied in an emotionless voice "Sunrise this is at 7:05 AM" So we sat. I swung my legs, bouncing the heel of his foot against the crown of the roof. As the sun began to peek over the eastern horizon, I felt more and more agitated. With each moment of the sun becoming brighter I looked more and more frantically at the keepings of the others. Herman had a thick wallet-phone-case combo that was nearly bursting at the seams with bills. Fredrick Hanky had a new jacket from Urban Outfitters that I had never seen before. ClaraJean had the Gucci slippers she had slipped on after she was roused to come see the sunrise. I suddenly wanted it all. I hatched a plan.

     I had recently bought some Maitcoin, a digital blockchain currency that was currently trading at around $.30 a coin. I had recently bought several coins for around $5 just for the novelty of having coins that coincidentally shared the same prefix as The Maitland. I pulled ClaraJean aside, I explained to her what Maitcoin was, explaining the nature of the digital currency. I then pulled out the price chart for Bitcoin, showing her that if she had bought one bitcoin in 2012 for $.45 she would have close to $15,000 today. I neglected to mention that the vast majority of blockchain currencies had imploded and become virtually worthless. Then I made the offer, I offered to trade her Gucci slides for one Maitcoin. She eagerly accepted, excited at the prospect of making $15k off of some Gucci slides that costed her not more than the slim price of $500. So away she went with her Maitcoin. 

    I made the same offer to many of the others. I got some airpods, a new phone, a Supreme crowbar only for a few dollars of digital currency likely to fizzle out in a few weeks. A few weeks passed and I began getting emails from people thanking me for the generous offer of the Maitcoins. I pulled up my online Maitcoin price tracker and noticed the price had increased 15,000 fold since I made the trades and my original $5 that I had given them for all of the stuff was now worth a whopping $75,000. I was fuming if I had held onto my coins I could buy a whole new truck. I decided I would have to steal it back. I decided I would break into their apartments and steal my money back. I broke into the apartment of one of my victims and grabbed their external crypto drive. I got back to my truck, plugged the cryptodrive into my computer. Suddenly there was a loud static explosion and everything in my truck went dark. The Cryptodrive had a failsafe EMP that would deploy when it was plugged into an unrecognized computer. That sucks. Due to my greed I was out $75,000, a laptop and my trucks entire electrical system.

Life within a cloud

I awoke in my sleeper, unaware of the chaos unfolding within The Maitland. I had been sleeping in my sleeper for the last week after that shooting star business. My internet in my sleeper is terrible, so I was unable to post, but rest assured I am back and more ready to blog than ever. I walked to my apartment where the the last week or so of newspapers had been piling up on my welcome mat. I pick the top paper, and notice it lists the date as 2013, I muse to myself imagining it is just a printing error. I turn on the TV and "How I Met Your Mother" is playing.  How I met your mother was canceled in 2014... I look at the newspaper and notice the report on Ether Maitland's murder. My knees felt weak under the crushing memory of her. I wondered why the newspaper had such a glaring misprint, they had somehow managed to print an archived version of the story. I pulled out my iPhone only to realize that in my pocket was an iPhone 3G, the phone I had six years ago and the date said 2013.
      I looked at the newspaper again and noticed at the bottom of the article it said "Memorial services will be held today in the graveyard." When Ether died the intense heartbreak I felt was so intense I couldn't bring my self to go to her funeral.  This was my chance to redeem myself. I put on my scarcely worn suit and bought flowers before heading to the graveyard. As I approached the plot I noticed a similar bunch of people equally confused by the sudden shift in chronology, but we said nothing as the service began. For the past half decade I had regretted not attending the funeral, it was petty, it was my way of getting back at a dead person. The funny thing is you don't need to work to rise above a dead person, but I had. The service was beautiful, it spoke of Ethers continuing commitment to the fostering of the community the Maitland has created, and the love she had for people, oh yes the love she had. I went to sleep that night knowing I had done the right thing and had redeemed myself for my misgivings six years ago.